If I Come Back
by thomps
Summary: James proposes to Lily but he doesn't get the answer he was expecting. One-shot


James wasn't too sure what had just happened. He'd expected her to say yes, joyously, with tears in her eye or with an amazing smile. He'd expected her to kiss him, say that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, tell him that she loved him. She did none of these. While she hadn't exactly said no, she hadn't exactly said yes either.

James had got down on one knee and proposed to her, something that every girl dreamed about, and Lily didn't say yes. She muttered something about 'needing to think' and 'needing a break'. She hadn't even had the decency to give him a straight answer, and now James was sitting in that same spot among the fall leaves, two hours later, wondering about what had just happened.

"JAMESIE! So did she say yes?" A cheerful Sirius greeted James at his apartment, a beer in hand.

James stared at him, as if in a trance.

"Hellooooo?" Sirius clicked his fingers in front of James' face.

"Oh, well I'm not too sure." James answered.

"Unsure? What did she answer you in Glargenschweigen?"

"Glarge-what?"

"I don't know. I made it up then."

"Glargenschweigen? Seriously Sirius? You couldn't possibly be serious for once?" Remus appeared next to Sirius, his hands in his pockets, sending a questioning look to James which clearly said 'What happened?'

"I am always Sirius, Remus. It is of course my name." Sirius shot back, a grin on his face.

"That joke got old in Third Year, Sirius." Remus answered, obviously fighting back a smile.

James just sighed. "Look, Lily didn't say yes, but she didn't say no. She said something about needing to think and ran off. Now if you'll excuse me I would like to go to bed and sleep for a very long time." James pushed past them and headed towards his bedroom.

Sirius and Remus looked at eachother.

"James, I think you need to talk to her." Remus started, ever the voice of reason.

"No, Remus. I'll talk to her when she talks to me." James replied strongly, trying to end the conversation.

"But Ja-"

"No. Remus. I know you want us to talk and sort it all out but it's not going to happen. She ran away and she can come running back. I'm not doing any chasing, I've given upon chasing."

James strode past them and reached his bedroom, slammed the door and fell on his bed.

Remus looked at Sirius, "We need all of the Marauders here for this. I'll go call Peter." Remus said as he walked towards the Phone.

"Tell him to bring beer, lots of it!" Sirius yelled at his retreating back.

But no matter how hard they tried, or how much beer they consumed, they could not get James out of his room, nor could they get him to talk about anything to do with Lily. Though they did have a very interesting conversation without James, about how butterflies got their wings. (They were very drunk.)

One week later, there had been to contact from Lily. James spent most of his time sulking in his room. No matter what the marauders tried to do to cheer him up, he remained grumpy and sullen for most of the week. He also refused to talk about Lily, talk to Lily or generally do anything to do with Lily. He claimed to not want anything to do with her but they had caught him several times smelling the shirts she had left there.

Two weeks later, James began to venture out of the house, with the Marauders. It was on one of these ventures that James and Lily came face-to-face for the first time since Lily had kind-of-rejected his marriage proposal. It was worse than they could have expected. James saw her and immediately crossed the street. James kept his head turned towards the ground and Lily stared straight ahead, almost as if her life depended on it. They passed each other without even a look passing between them. The day after James retreated to his room early in the morning and came out again in the late afternoon; smelly and considerably less sober.

The weeks following followed in a very similar way. James continued to be withdrawn and grumpy, and when Lily and James did see each other in the street, they pretended that the other person was invisible.

It was not until just over a month after the initial incident that Lily went looking for James.

She found him sitting on the swings, at a park that they had frequented as a couple.

She sat on the swing next to him, swinging herself gently back and forth.

It was a short time before she said anything, not even five minutes, but to the both of them it seemed like a lifetime.

"James?" she asked; her question hanging in the air.

It was a long while before he answered.

"Lily." He said this while looking directly at the floor, not even looking at her.

She sighed. "James, look at me._ Please._"

James fixed his eyes on hers, angrily. "Why should I? Why should I when you left me there? Do you know how it feels to have your heart tear in two? You left me without an answer. You didn't even bother telling me anything. This month-long silence has told me a lot. You don't love me." James spoke harshly, his voice rising to a yell.

"I know how you feel James. I, I need to explain this to you. Why I did this." She reaches out and gently placed her hand on his arm. "I still love you, and I always will."

James breathes in a few times, deep breaths that calm him down. He turns his head to her. "Then tell me Lily. Why did you leave me there without an answer? Why didn't you come back to me? Why?"

"I was afraid James, so very afraid. I love you so much James, it scares me. I didn't know I could feel this strongly about someone. Suddenly you asked me to marry you and it seemed to sudden, so soon. I'm going to be honest James. It freaked me out, becoming Mrs Potter. I began to wonder if we would last. I- I've heard so many horror stories, James, of people who married young and divorced, bitterly, many years later. I didn't want that to be us James. So I ran, I ran and I didn't look back. I needed to test this, us. I needed to make sure this was real. Most of all, I needed to think. I thought I could do it, James. I thought I could live without you, but I can't James. I really can't." The words tumble out of Lily's mouth, eager to get out. She looks at James, tears glistening in her green eyes, pleading with him, to take her back.

"Why couldn't you tell me that Lily? Did you have to leave me in the dark? And what happens with us now?"

"I didn't want to hurt you James. I thought that by not telling you I was freaking out about being married to you would be better. I see now that it wasn't. I don't know what happens with us now James. That's up to you." At this Lily takes James' hands. "I want to do this. I want to be Mrs James Potter. I can't live without you and I don't want to. I've thought and thought, I even made lists James! The only thing I want is you James. The decision is yours. If you still, if you still want to do this then I still want to do it. If you can't do this with me, then that's okay, I will understand." Tears fall from Lily's eyes. "I will understand."

Lily stands up and walks away from him, into the night. She turns her back on the man she loves and hopes that he'll make her turn around. And as she goes she whispers into the night.

"I'll come back James, I'll always come back."


End file.
